I haven’t written for many months as I have been so unwell. I have been coming to terms with two new diagnosis and how they now impact my life. On top of that, life as I knew it seemed to change overnight. It has felt like everything that I once held dear has been taken away, as well as seeing those I love the most experience their own heartache and grief through trials that are hard to comprehend. I have experienced hurt so deep and have contemplated walking away from my faith in Jesus as my Lord and Saviour as I couldn’t see why He would allow these things to occur. Instead, I spent time in the Psalms and saw how the rawest of human emotions have been expressed. The Psalmist told God of their heartache and pain, and remembered that He was there with them. I wrote this poem “Your grace in my despair” as my attempt to express how I was feeling whilst remembering that He was faithful to me.
When darkness surrounds me, still I will praise you
When fear overwhelms me, still you are faithful
When all of life seems to crumble apart, still I will trust you
For you are with me through the darkest of valleys
For you are merciful and your compassion never leaves me
For your grace is there to sustain me.
When the enemy comes with lies, still you are with me
When fiery darts are flung to hurt me, still you will protect me
When the fog doesn’t seem to lift, still you will guide me
For you are with me through it all
For your love never ceases and your mercies are new every morning
For your grace is there in my despair.
When the guilt and condemnation grow large, still you will forgive me
When confusion and chaos surrounds, still you will lead me
When it seems so lonely, still you are there to comfort me
For you died for me, your blood was spilt for me
For you love me with an everlasting love that will never change
For your grace assures me of your mercy.
When everything is unknown, still you have a plan for me
When things remain a mystery, still nothing is a mystery to you
When everything seems so uncertain, still you are sovereign
For you’ve known me since the foundation of the world
For you have known all my days before my first breath
For your grace is always there.